Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
