looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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