my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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