honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
