Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
