so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
