I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
