hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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