If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
