I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
