I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
