You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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