Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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