every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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