Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
