What a fucking waste of an outfit
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
