I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
