I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
