There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
