Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
