I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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