dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
