I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
