Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
a search helicopter?!
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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