Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
