I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
