Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You left your underwear on the fireplace
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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