hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
