I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
