I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
