She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
