My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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