Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
