we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
