I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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