so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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