I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
