My friends, they love my intelligence
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
