I want to walk on stilts...naked
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
