On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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