Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
