I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
