some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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