and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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