the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
