Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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