Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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