Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
