oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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