The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
